Washing It All Down

This past year has been so crazy sometimes it's worthwhile to think back and wonder if you made any mistakes. I know that I wish i could have changed so much that I might not even be the same person I am now, but I was thinking today: I shouldn't dwell on the past, it's in the past and I can't change it. But then: who am I without what the past has been? I can't be me without what I've gone through beause the past shapes us so that we a prepared for the future ahead.

I was looking for the lyrics to a song called “Word of God Speak” which is a great, beautiful song by MercyMe and it’s really awe-inspiring to have God come into your life and bring things you never thought you would want or need. Sometimes it’s the things we really don’t want that truly affects us the most positively. The beginning of this year I was cut from the soccer team (I know right?!) and you’re probably thinking: Keelin, why in the world would that be something so bad? Sure you got cut from a sports team but there are so much worse things that could happen to you. And you know what? I know there are, I know that crying over something like that can be silly because it wasn’t meant as a personal insult and you can always improve and try-out next year. I know that.  It still hurt and it left a bruise and you know what? It sucked. I hated being cut from the team because it was the first time that I was told that I couldn’t do something that I loved simply because I wasn’t good enough. So, I told myself: Keelin, you’re going to take a break from school soccer, play some rec. and do some pretty difficult stuff in school and then next year you’re going to practice and try-out again and knock those coaches off their butts and show them that you have some great talent. Did that happen? In some ways, yes, yes it did, but in others I was so very wrong. In what might you ask? Well, I believed that I’d have no problem going back and trying out.

Heck I was excited to show up all those select players that money can’t buy talent, in any sport and in anyone. Wow was I wrong. My mom told me I should try out for volleyball and I’m thinking: mom, do you realize that their shorts aren’t even shorts? They’re like spandex, really they are! If you’re not careful your underwear line will show itself to the entire world (and that’s if your one who does wear underwear!!!) sides the fact that that if I wore those “shorts” at camp or any place with morals God might smite me down for being such a bad example. Well, I’m sure you can guess what she said and that was that they aren’t too bad and that she thinks it would be fun for me. So I say ok fine, sure I’ll try out for a sport I’ve never played, where the tryouts are already done, and I don’t even think I’m good at. Through all of this I had been thinking and wondering why in the world did God do this? What is going through his holy head? You know, I mean I love that sport, I made it the year before and all that jazz and I was decent so what does he have cooking in his eternal crock pot? If fact, I did make the team and it turns out my friend Amanda was playing too. (And yes I did wear those spandex, which are pretty comfortable once you get used to it!) The people there were crazy fun and nice, I don’t even think that they cared that I couldn’t hit a ball to save my life and if I got it over the net I think I was a couple feet closer than everyone else. I couldn’t play the first few matches and you know what? I also was playing rec. soccer so that first quarter was like a living….well…..you know. I think that it was a godsend that I made volleyball; it helped me realize how God works just a little better. That when he takes something away he doesn’t just leave a huge gaping hole but fills it with something so good and filling that lets you shine ever more brightly. By the end of the year I could serve, hit (from back row), pass, and set (well push is probably a more accurate term seeing as how it was terrible). What else was there for me to learn in the last practice? Well my coach decided what the heck? You’ve got strong legs (from of course soccer) and you really don’t suck, so why don’t you try jump serving? And well I had seen jump serving and it was wickedly cool. I mean Shannon Jackson jump served like nobody’s business (and if you made it your business then you were in for it). I was quite nervous but interested in it. and you know what happened? I did it. I jumped served well and truly without any help or adjustment. I could do something that I didn’t even think was possible at the beginning of the year. I did something that made me not just an ok volley ball player but a pretty ok player. Our last match I asked my coach if I could try jump serving and she said sure no problem and you know what? I did that too. I could hear her in the background screaming and saw her jumping up and down like a mad woman. Every one of my team mates cheered for me because they had seen me from the very beginning struggle with the basics and then to be able to pull through with something so spectacular and outstanding. And I bet you can guess what award I got this year at the banquet, yep, most improved, Ha ah, what a season and it was the weirdest thing to think that I was mad at God for changing my life so abruptly but how can I be now? How can I be mad at someone who filled that season with so much happiness? I can’t.

            Happy ending right? Everyone is pleased with their finish? Well, not quite. Now that the year is finishing and school is ending the sports of f

all (soccer and volleyball) are beginning their summer programs and I can’

t decide what to do. I know what you’re thinking: Goodness Keelin, can’t you let a sleeping dog lie? You got cut and you found another fun sport that you can go on with. But is anything really that simple?  No, not really. I love soccer and I’ve been doing it for so long it’s become a part of me but I DID find volleyball, well it was kind of just thrown at me. But I can’t do both and I can’t choose because in both sports I had so much fun. I prayed to God so many times about it this year I think he’s put me on mute.  Ha I can just see it:

God: my phone’s ringing, I should answer it! Must be important! *looks at caller ID* on the other hand that Japan sure has been kept calm all these years, maybe a few earthquakes could wake them up. Sides I already know what keeling wants and she’ll just call again tomorrow.

So now what does He have in store for me? Goodness I’m kind of scared but it turned out pretty well last time. He let me wash all the hurt away with help from something new and beautiful.

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
and the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay.